Thursday, February 10, 2011

Some Fantastic Jokes


One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops, a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."
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The Geography of a Woman.
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Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is
half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the
fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely
discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries
with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed
and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may
have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and
desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the
war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now
necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet
and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps
people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a
glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is,
but no one wants to go there.


The Geography of a Man.
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Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a ****.
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Really hard puzzle....................?
I had 4 if these. I destroyed one. Within a second, I counted and these became 5. I threw second one. Immediately, I found that I had 6. Then I cut the 3rd into 100 pieces & threw all 100. Now I had 7 of these. The I burnt the 4th and found I had 8 of them.

What are these?
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Fun and Fun only - Do you fall in love and propose marriage?
Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?

Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,if you tell me the time?

Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?

Old Man: See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me. Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?

Young Man: Possible

Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has made it and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.

Young Man: Smiles.

Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.

Young Man: Oh Yes! And smiles

Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.
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Fun and Fun only - who is a woman and how hard she works always?
A man was sick and tired of goingto work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast forhis mate, awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, rove them to school, came home andpicked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box andbathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M.and he hurried to make the beds,do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord, "I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months,though. You got pregnant last night."
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Fun and Fun only - what will be your answer ?
1. What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?

2. Who sits on babies?

3. What has arms and legs, but no head?

4. What runs but never walks?

5. What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?

6. What did the light say when it was turned off?

7. What has a head and a tail but no body?

8. What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

9. What is the richest kind of air?

10. Why did the girl throw the clock out the window?

11. Which is faster, cold or heat?

12. What jam can't be eaten on toast?

13. Why did the golfer wear two sets of pants?

14. What two things can't you have for dinner?

15. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?

16. What's the hottest letter in the alphabet?

17. Why did the pony cough?

18. Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?

what will be your answer ?
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Who wants to read another Old Groaner from Greybeard?
A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley with a large tank full of various species, and the man examines the dishes.
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man. "An excellent choice, they have a delicate, mild flavour." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!"
A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.
Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.
"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen. "Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans kill that little green squid with the hairy lip!"
The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.
"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.
"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show.
*
*
*
That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy lip squid!"

Don't blame me!
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Who thinks that this numerical riddle is amazing?
Something to think about !!!!!! Weird !!!!!!!

This year we will experience 4 unusual dates.... 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 ..........

NOW go figure this out.... Take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you will
be this year and...... it WILL EQUAL ..... 111!


THIS IS STRANGE......NO MATTER HOW U DO IT, IT'S 111.....